Really back to work

When I finished work last June to begin my maternity leave, I told my boss I would be back the following January. I would be taking some annual leave and then six months of my maternity leave entitlement, and that would be it, he could definitely expect me back in the New Year. From the very first day I was away from work I began to regret those words. I knew that I wasn't committed, and could go back to work anytime during the 12 months after Number One was born, but I have always been the sort of person that hates to let people down, and often at my own expense, I do things I don't really want to do. In light of the fact that I consider myself to be quite selfish, this actually seems very contradictory, but I think that for the most part its just work that makes me feel like this. I am not owed a living in this life, and I think that if someone is good enough to employ me to do a job, I'm going to do it. And I'm going to do everything I can to make sure they know I'm a hard and loyal worker. That's why it was so hard for me to have two days sick leave last month.

Anyway, as time drew on, I dreaded going back to work more and more. I started to see that being a stay-at-home mum would have suited me down to the ground. Sod all those people who said to me that I would need the mental stimulation of work, that I would become bored and eventually go mad if I stayed at home with a baby all day, every day. No way - I would have loved, loved, loved it!

But Number Two didn't really think it was an option for me not to go back and I suppose I agreed with him. While we're not frivolous with our money, we are certainly not the sort of people who keep spreadsheets of every single outgoing, and have calculated to within pennies how much our gas bill will be over a twelve month period. I've never really been the sort of person who would be happy having to ask for permission to buy something I want, or having to budget for the household (although something tells me we are heading for disaster with this slack approach to our finances).

I really wish I had thought a bit more about taking a couple of extra months of maternity leave. It seemed like such a rush in the end, coming back from New Zealand, trying to get Number One back into this time zone, and mentally preparing myself for starting my job in a new office, with new people. And then of course, the whole trauma of actually doing it, and struggling with the child care situation, and getting sick with stress didn't help. Number Two did allow a bit of compromise though - I decided I would like to go back four instead of five days a week, and he agreed that it wouldn't make that much of a difference to our lifestyle if I took a bit of a salary cut. Little did he know that being at work less and therefore earning less money would mean more free time to spend more money.

But now I feel like I'm properly back. I actually did a full week of five days last week, to finish of a project I have been working on for the past month, and I really did enjoy it. Number Two had to take Friday off work so I could do it, but it was a win-win-win situation. Number One got to spend her first full day on her own with her daddy since she was born. She loved it. Number Two got to have a day off (paid) work, got to play with his daughter all day, watch the cricket, and go down to the pub with some other mummies and their children. And I got to work, finish off my project, earn some overtime, and also got to see that going back to work wasn't actually that bad after all.